Gifting my kidney to a stranger has been my most rewarding decision. Following in my son’s footsteps, I donated six months after he did. Here is a video of the meeting of my son with his recipient on Good Morning America.
As you read the details below, keep in mind that I am happy to share my story & answer questions with individuals and groups of all ages.
In 2020, my kidney launched a kidney chain that provided kidneys for 4 people to live healthy lives.
My aim is to spread the word that being an altruistic kidney donor was the most rewarding decision I have ever made. Three years before I donated, I did not even know people gave kidneys to strangers. I thought that:
only family members gave kidneys to each other
the surgery would be horribly painful
the risks of surgery were very high
I was wrong about all 3.
Who told me I was wrong about all of my 3 assumptions?
My 17 year old son who donated his kidney when he was 19. I felt honored to follow in his footsteps six months later.
When my son first told me, I thought he would be permanently sick afterwards. But after watching a Vox news 12 minute video about kidney donation, I said to my son, “If all goes well, I’ll do it too.”
To understand the real need for healthy kidneys, it’s first important to understand kidney dialysis. That’s what people with failed kidneys need to survive. Kidney dialysis has been described to me as a “living death.” Relieving suffering & saving lives is our shared human mission. For the 570,000 people on kidney dialysis, their lives are filled with the debilitating suffering that stems from 4 hour dialysis, 3 times each week. For those on dialysis, their 5-year survival rate is 35% vs. 97% for those who receive transplants.
The many people I know who donated their kidneys to strangers say, “I have only one regret & that is that I cannot do it all over again.” After giving away my spare kidney on January 22, 2020, I’d happily do it again if I had a 3rd kidney to give to someone who needs it.
Is my family more or less protected since I gave my kidney away? Way more protected! If you choose a hospital that is connected with the National Kidney Registry, you and a family member get kidney insurance. In other words, you have the opportunity to be given a kidney voucher yourself and so will a family member. The voucher means you can skip the line of 92,000 who are currently on the kidney waitlist and get a living kidney if a need arises.
Kidney donors live on average longer lives than those who don’t donate their spare kidney because we need to be in top health in order to donate.
Our spare kidney has the power to save a stranger’s life. Do we need 2 kidneys? No, we have one to keep and one to give away.
“It’s a redundant system. It’s like having an appendix. You can survive very well on a single kidney,” said Miguel Tan, M.D., a transplant surgeon at Piedmont Transplant Institute. “
With two kidneys, your body is at 100 percent function. Once you donate a kidney or lose a kidney for whatever reason, you’re at 60 to 65 percent function. But to function normally, you only need 30 percent function.
How painful was kidney donation?
I despise pain and get easily disgusted from anything medical. My pain level is hard to communicate. I will list the surgeries I’ve had and rate them by my pain level (1-10):
Kidney Donation: 4
Appendectomy: 6
Caesarian: 8
Varicose Veins: 9
People say I’m selfless for doing this. Yet I feel like the emotional reward I am reaping far exceeds any I have received in the past. No words can capture this feeling of purpose and joy within me after saving 4 lives. Whenever I think of the donation, I get what feels like a dopamine waterfall of joy.
Steps to donation:
an interesting, comprehensive 1-day physical and psychological assessment + blood work
lying asleep & numb on an operating table during the laparoscopic procedure
feeling 3 weeks of occasional mild pain
4 weeks to a full recovery
A cartoon of how I visualize my kidney, snoozing on the airplane to Atlanta.
By giving a small part of ourselves (just a kidney bean shaped 5 ounces) sickness is revived to health as we initiate a kidney chain, a donation that starts a domino effect of kidney donations.
Here are the details about my own kidney chain donation adventure.
At NYU Langone Hospital, my right kidney was donated to a stranger, kicking off a kidney chain that resulted in a total of 4 people getting new kidneys.
At 4am on January 22nd, 2020, my kidney was removed, flew on a commercial flight to Emory Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia and was filtering blood, producing hormones and productively humming along in another human by dinnertime.
My kidney donation has no strings attached, only life attached, I am delighted and honored to have this chance, thanks to committed and brilliant science pioneers & practitioners. And since the surgery, emotionally I feel so good.
Physically, I healed quickly. I was in the hospital for 3 nights. Then after a cab ride, I walked up 6 flights to get to my apartment without pain or fatigue. My energy level had returned to normal.
Sleeping had been a challenge because I never before slept on my back. At first, I awoke twice each night, disrupting my normally solid sleep. This gradually resolved after 2.5 weeks. At times, I felt belly soreness but the feeling was never severe. The pain after my laparoscopic appendectomy was far worse.
I was able to work from home, including painting at my desk for long periods of time, from the day after I returned from the hospital. I returned to work 12 days after the surgery. The pain has been minimal, far less than I anticipated. For the first 5 days, I took Tramadol every 6 hours around the clock. Then I transitioned to 2 tablets 3x each day of Extra Strength Tylenol (2 tablets) for the next 7 days, For the following week, I took ES Tylenol, but only 2x each day. I was completely off painkillers 3 weeks after surgery.
Prior to donation, I passed multiple tests that included a stress test, renal scan, psychological evaluation and CAT scan. Kidney donors must be in top health; that’s why we kidney donors actually outlive average Americans.
Can we be healthy with only 1 kidney? 1 in 750 are born with one kidney, a condition called renal agenesis, and they live normal, healthy lives. They often do not even find out about their condition because one kidney is all we need. One of the reasons for my CAT scan was to make sure I had 2 kidneys. We do not need 2 kidneys to filter our blood and produce our urine. My left kidney is doing just great working solo!
At a One Kidney Club meeting, I met a person who has run 25 marathons. Since donating, he has run 10 of those races and achieved even better times than he did before he donated.
Why give 1 of my 2 kidneys to a stranger? 2 life-giving seeds were planted in me, my kidneys. I’m grateful for this bountiful harvest. I have 1 kidney to keep & 1 to give away to someone who needs it. Our 2 kidneys working together have twice the capacity of what we actually need to be healthy. When we donate a kidney, the remaining kidney grows larger and provides for our needs.
And are there those who need our spare kidneys? 37,000,000 Americans (15% of adults) suffer from kidney disease. 92,000 Americans are currently on the kidney donor list & 3,000 are added to that list each month,
Only 3% of kidney donations are for strangers. To save the lives that need to be saved, that number is too small.
Imagine how we could reduce these numbers by giving our extra kidney away.
When we give someone with a failing kidney a new, living kidney, it’s as if we gave our failing car a new engine. The recipient of the healthy kidney feels great right away.
I have been blessed with good health and a supportive family. Under different circumstances, I could easily be the person who just received my kidney. I do not know if the person who received my kidney is female, male, young or not so young. All of those who need kidneys deserve to live.
Is kidney donation safe? “People don’t realize that living kidney donation is an extremely safe procedure. There’s a low risk to donors or we wouldn’t do it,” Dr. Niraj Desai, a transplant surgeon. The chance of dying from the surgery is .03%. The chance of dying from childbirth in the USA is .026%.
Why have I chosen to participate in a kidney donation chain? To save multiple lives! My kidney has initiated a donor chain to achieve the maximum good. In order to receive a kidney, a recipient’s friend or family member will volunteer to donate a kidney. The recipient of that kidney also needs to have someone donate and so on. Recipients across our nation benefit from this life-giving system run by the National Kidney Registry who organized my kidney donation chain.
Why not wait until after death to give my kidney to a stranger? The kidneys from living donors work immediately, work better, & last longer than those from deceased donors. Plus, once deceased, I would receive no pleasure in the gift.
After donating, do I need to change my diet? No.
Can I drink alcohol? Yes, though keep in mind that alcohol is a group one carcinogen.
I aim to care for my cells by providing them with the maximum nutrients just like people who put high quality gas in their cars. I do not ingest alcohol, sugar, meat, dairy, or eggs. At home, I avoid cooking with oil. I eat lentils, chickpeas, beans, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds, mushrooms, & fruits, including 2 or 3 apples each day. Post-surgery, I eat fresh and dried turmeric with black pepper each day to reduce inflammation & speed healing.
Any restrictions? The only one is that as a kidney donor, I can no longer take ibuprofen like Advil. Ibuprofen is harmful to the kidneys. I am permitted to take acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol.
Why can’t we sell our kidneys? Currently the only country that permits selling organs is Iran. Only the wealthiest would get kidneys under an organs for cash system.
Giving life through kidney donation is better than giving cash. If given a choice of a million dollars or a new kidney, a person on dialysis would choose a life-giving transplant rather than a sack of cash 💰.
What is the source of our altruism? Dr. Abigail Marsh has studied altruistic kidney donors. She has found that our amygdalas are 3% larger than average and that psychopaths’ amygdalas are smaller than average.
My son and I may have inherited our giving natures from my maternal grandmother. After she died, a person in her neighborhood who was blind had meals delivered every day, but he never knew who was providing them. When my grandmother died, it was figured out that she was the one secretly cooking for him. Perhaps my son and I have the same altruistic gene.
When did anonymous kidney donation begin? In the UK, non-directed donations became legal in 2006. In the USA, 1 non-directed donation was reported in 1988, 1 in 1998, 5 in 1999, & then the number starts to go up. Fewer than 200 non-directed donations save lives in the USA each year.
Want to learn more? I moderate a Facebook page called Kidneys 4 Strangers, if you would like to ask any questions.
“I am 3 days post recycling my kidney to a woman in Seattle, which also kicked off a chain of other donations. Was home after one night in hospital and spent this afternoon walking around BJ’s. I highly recommend recycling.”
-My friend Steve who donated in February of 2020.
I know my four recipients are excited to return to good health, and I am so delighted that they feel good again.
Relevant Links:
My 1st Facebook Group: Join if you want to ask any questions that were not answered today or if you are interested in learning more: Kidneys 4 Strangers
My 2nd Facebook Group: If you have already donated and wish to join monthly meetings with other donors: 1 Kidney Club
My son meeting his kidney recipient on Good Morning America
The video that inspired my son and me to donate
What it's like to give a kidney to a stranger
Altruistic Kidney Donor Shares His Experience
UAB's Kidney Chain: How it Works
Freakonomics - Make Me a Match
What Makes a Person Decide to Donate His Kidney to a Stranger
How Can You Live Without One of Your Kidneys?
Demographic Characteristics of Non-Directed Altruistic Kidney Donors in the United States